No fool like an old fool!

This was the second year for the All Fools' Open Music Night. The fact that April Fool's Day was the previous week didn't seem to dampen anyone's spirits, or limit the enthusiasm for the telling of jokes. In the blog will be some of the jokes from the evening as well as some of the light bulb jokes, just in case you missed them. The night's opening joke being; Two Irishmen walked into a bar and the landlord said "I really need to change those light bulbs". Mine didn't get any better than that, but there were some very funny contributions.

Tonight's new procedure for slot allocation went ok, with one or two opportunities for improvement. I started the ball rolling as per usual singing a couple of my more recent songs, 'Old Town Blues' followed by 'The Canary'; an appropriate song given that during this week America dropped the largest non-nuclear bomb in Afghanistan and it was declared legal to rent out a spare room in exchange for sexual favours, so legitimising the exploitation of vulnerable people in need of housing. Agreed it wasn't the most humorous beginning, but I knew that that would soon be put right. 

Next up, to his surprise, was Bob Deluce. The surprise came from drawing plectrum No.8 and assuming that meant that there were seven others before him. That he had drawn the lowest number and missed my running order announcement meant he was a bit thrown. Bob had brought his studio with him and required powering up and plugging in. This meant that he was tucked into the wall a bit. I'll make sure that there's a flying lead available for next time Bob. Bob's contributions to the evening were Gerry Rafferty's Shoeshine Boy and Beatles Back in The USSR. I have to say, the Gerry Rafferty song really suited Bob's vocals and sounded superb. Bob also receives the 'That Joke' award for his Gary Glitter joke.

Bob shares the running of an open mic night at The Royal Oak, Crick, with Derrick Meyer on the last Thursday of each month. Bob and Derrick provide the PA and you can benefit from some of their gadgetry, such as drum machine and harmonising effects if you wish.

#1 Roadie taping up the gantry harness 

Here's one for Shirley: How many roadies does it take to change a light bulb? One, two, one. two.

Tony was lent John's homing pigeon joke; What do you lose if your homing pigeon fails to return? The answer being just a pigeon.
His first song was a delightful innuendo laden 'Let's have a ride on your bicycle', by Max Miller. Between songs Tony (sorry, the very blurry photo was rejected by the editorial staff) announced that this year's Folk on The Water event includes an open mic evening at The The Boat Inn, Stockton, in aid of Zoe's Place Hospice. It takes place towards the end of June. Tony's second piece was printed on a sheet that was defying his eyes attempt to see the words, so he reverted to a song he knew by heart. Al Read's, 'Our Joe Won't be With Us Much Longer'. I was possibly the only one struck by the irony.

How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb? Ten. One to change the bulb, one to play accordion, and the other eight to sing about how good the old one was.

The not so mighty MDF were without Ross, John and TCB tonight, and because Mike had to be away before ten thirty, and it looked like being a long night, we did a three song set, with me standing in for Ross singing Galway Girl, while Tracey sang The Travelling Wilburys' 'Handle Me With Care' and Don Henley's 'Boys of Summer'.

It was Mike that made MDF's contribution to the jokes; going something like "I was annoyed at my computer for not accepting my new password. It said it had to have eight characters, but wouldn't accept 'Snow White'.

How many men does it take to change a light bulb?  Just one good one, but we know how difficult they are to find.

Regular Collectivist, Steve, Was on form, his opening line being "Can I beat last year's Italian joke? Corsican" I was so busy chuckling about that, while mingling at the back that I didn't note down his first song. I know I enjoyed it, but when it came to writing up for the blog I couldn't recall it at all. His second was an excellent cover of Keen's 'Somewhere Only We Know' which he absolutely nailed. 

How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Look, it's not rocket science.

By special request we were treated to a six song set by Stained Glass Bluegrass.

There was the obligatory 'Man of Constant Sorrow'; which no Bluegrass set would be complete without , along with a few less familiar tunes, and a very impressive a capella which gave me goose pimples.

It was good to have a extended set from this accomplished band, and I hope it isn't too long before another band or performer does the same.

Their song list for the evening was:

Lonesome Road

Man of Constant Sorrow

Russian Mandolin instrumental

Lord, Don't Leave Me Here

I'll Bear My Cross

Cold Sheets of Rain by The Blue Dogs

Not only did they play an extended set, they also had an extensive repertoire of jokes, with each band member taking at least one turn. Some of them were clever, some of them were funny, some of them were clever and funny, but at least one was neither! The best one belonged to their American mandolin player who offered the following travel advice for those seeking to visit Southern Carolina. "Why are there so unsolved murders in South Carolina? Because they have few teeth and all share the same DNA." 

How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? It was this big, took at least five of us to get it in!

After a short break, that allowed me to tidy up what had become a very busy and cluttered stage, and untangle the mic and instrument cables, we had a three song debut from The Soul Sisters, Sue, Ange and Debs, who had come all the way from Napton.

Their performance included Sixpence Non The Richer's 'Kiss Me', Mamas and Papas' 'California Dreaming' and ended with the beautiful Tom Waits', 'San Diego Serenade'.

It was a very polished performance and I really enjoyed the close harmonies and I don't recall us having a sax here at The George. I hope that it isn't too long before we see them again.

How many members of the Labour Party does it take to change a light bulb? Just the one, if they have enough Momentum behind them.

How many cabinet ministers does it take to change a light bulb? None, the light bulb is not broken, in fact it is better than it was under the last Labour Government, and is getting brighter and brighter.

More first time visitors, Dave and Joy. When we spoke after they'd arrived Joy confessed to not singing as often to Dave's accompaniment as to backing tracks. They were a bit undecided as to whether they would perform or remain in the audience for the evening. Clearly they were encouraged by the friendly and supportive atmosphere, or by beer, and they came up to give us a couple of songs.

Their first song was from George Gershwin's Porgy And Bess, made famous as a jazz standard by Ella Fitzgerald; 'Summertime', and then a song written and performed by Leadbelly, and covered by many over the years including Johnny Cash and Creedence Clearwater Revival, 'Them Old Cotton Fields Back Home'.

How many opticians does it take to change a light bulb? One.... or two? One.... or two?

How many drill sergeants does it take to change a light bulb? "One two three one two three one.

How many opposition politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Fifty two, one to blame the Government for the chronic under funding that lead to the bulb failure in the first place and fifty one to go 'yah, yah, yah'.

Keith and Kate have visited us a few times in various band guises; their most recent being as The Hatstand Band. This evening they were minus Richard, their cajon player and backing vocalist. The Hatstand Band material is a bit darker than we're used to hearing
I'm not quite sure of the title of their first song or who wrote it. It was something like 'River is Rising'. Their next was Justin Cross' 'Drink The Water'.
One we all recognised was Dorothy's 'Why Did Love Put A Gun In My Hand' which they've played many times, allowing us to sing along.
Finally, they ended their set with 'Too hard, too long'. When Keith said that searching Google for this song he got in a lot of trouble. So did I. Keith also provided what I thought was the funniest line of the evening. My wife asked me to pass her the lipstick, I misheard and passed her a glue-stick. She still isn't speaking to me.

From Kate. How many clinical psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Non, the light bulb must want to change.

Tony adds a bit of uke authenticity to Baton Rouge

To finish the evening we had an ensemble for Baton Rouge.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to hire a Mexican to do it, and two to deport the Mexican once the bulb has been changed.

How many divorcees does it take to change a light bulb? None, the bulbs went with the house.



Ross is in command for the May Open Music Night, while I enjoy a continental wedding. He is very keen to hear some Punk anthems, so might even have a prize or two. There is no need to swear, or spit, or wear a bin bag, or have your nose pierced; and you don't even have to be angry about anything. Just have a listen to this if you are after a bit of inspiration. Here is a link to The Bad Shepherds. Bad Shepherds, London Calling

If I was coming, and I wish I was, then Iggy Pop's 'Passenger' would be one of mine. Perhaps if no one gets in first I might do it another day.

Just one last one. How many thriller writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one two screw it in almost all the way and another to give it a surprising twist at the end.